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Natalie/Nat-lie/Nat/Natile/Gnat
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 10th, 2006|12:46 am] |
i miss my band kids!!!!
especially when i get frustrated like i do. grggg. my name is not, nor will ever be, Rachel Lawler. godd. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2005|10:08 pm] |
Things are better today.
We had a good day.
Though rounding up sophomores for school tours was exactly as I expected it. But way to hang in there, Steven. And your dancing honestly wasn't half bad.
I'm so glad that my true and best friends have come out and proven themselves this year. I don't know what I would do without them. You guys are my web of confidence, security....and when we go away to college I'm going to cry alot. lol. But then, that's all me. You know who you are and I've commended you on how much I effing adore you. So thank you a thousand times.
And so, without further ado, I bid goodbye to public posting on livejournal. From now on, the entire journal shall be friends only, and I won't post much else on xanga. My words are just words and should be read just by those that I know and trust. So if you want to read, post a comment on this post telling me so, and I'll consider adding you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2005|01:05 am] |
I hate that I can't make it all okay for you. I really wish I had more power...more love...more something. To make it all go away and hold you close and tell you that love IS enough, no matter how hard things may seem or no matter how many times I bring us down by simply being me.
I feel sick to my stomach....I don't want it to all come crashing down.
and i don't want to sit here, still thinking that I'm not good enough for you, after all of the things we've put each other through to get to this very point in our lives and our relationship. and yet I can't help thinking that I'm nowhere near good enough.
I wish things weren't so complicated. that you plus me was all that there needed to be. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2005|12:46 am] |
The Rocket Summer is playing at trees at 8 pm next friday night, August 12.
Nanner, britty? yes? (Hyde is already going)
Tickets are 10 dollars at frontgatetickets.com
I'm thinking heck yes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 4th, 2005|01:08 pm] |
I don't think I've ever been as scared as I was last night.
Scared of losing you.
Because once you finally have something, the burden of finally having something to lose sits on your heart.
I can't lose you.
I couldn't even begin to live if you weren't this huge a part in my life.
And thusly comes my solemn vow to stop being such a godamn bitch.
No more fighting, no more jealousy, no more crying over nothing.
It's what I've got to do. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 4th, 2005|11:55 am] |
Mrs. Knox just called because she pulled some strings and got me in 2nd period Stats. I adore her, and adore the fact that I get Mr. Belin one more awesome year. <3 Questions, comments, concerns.
I got my gym membership almost 3 weeks ago and I've already lost five pounds. I feel really really good about myself. By next summer I will NOT fear the bikini.
Homecoming is in less than 2 months. What the heck is that?! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2005|03:38 pm] |
Back in town, and back on the computer (it was in the shop for a week, much teh sad.)
Senior year in less than two weeks. Registration/orientation commitee meetings made it all too real. I can't wait.
So STATS second period with mr. B, my favorite teacher at pearce thus far, is full, and I'm in calculus. Godamnit. So here's nat's schedule:
1. Peer Helpers
2. AP AB Calc
3. Newspaper
4. Theatre 3
5. AP Eng 4
6. AP Econ/Gov
everyone on earth is in gov and econ with me. it rocks.
All for now....call me up. hang out. Summer's almost gone. |
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| "No one sees the color of her eyes. No one sees her smile. No one sees her cry..." |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|02:31 am] |
| [ | Current Mood: |
| |  annoyed with me/ emo | ] |
| [ | Current Tune-age: |
| | Hey Montana - Eve 6 | ] |
Ray and I had a nearly perfect evening...the best in a long time, filled with much goofing off, being sweet, sonic-ing, and lovelyness...and I had to go and ruin it by being a dumb bitch. The day nearly fixed itself, too.
I'm so messed up. I seriously think my mother feeds me crazy pills and doesn't tell me.
Schedule's done. And fixed in the only possible way it can be. If you love me, plan yours accordingly. If you hate me, plan around mine for your sake. I tend to bring drama and thrive on it. Anywho:
1. Peer Helpers - Dr. Bob
2. AP Stats - Belin (score! I heart my questions, commments, concerns.)
3. Newspaper - Gast
4. Theater 3 - Zed
5. AP English - Whatley
6. AP Econ/Gov - Soch
I'm loving that whole 2 blow off classes followed by lunch thing. So that I can do homework for my final "thinking" classes. Anyway. PLEASE if you're my friend make sure you have at least ONE thing with me so I can see you this year. I'd make mine tentative, but this is literally the only possible way to fit in everything. My sorries.
Muchly thanks to the help of Michael Howard, I have begun my book. An odd ambition for a seventeen-year-old, yes, but I really, really like my ideas/thoughts/products so far. It's going to be fantasy...a softer lord of the rings type read. Like Eragon, if you've read that (which you should, because it's amazing, and the sequel comes out next month.) I've thought out exactly what is to happen in the first book (oh, they'll be more than one) and have written the prologue and the first few chapters. It's in need of much editing, but here is the prologue of my story, the book being entitled either "A Light in the Dark" or "The Light and the Gem" (tentative):
( Prologue: The Prophecy ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2005|10:04 pm] |
So it's pouring rain - and I mean POURING - as I'm driving down I35 to pick up my sister and brother-in-law to take them to the airport. It's stop and go traffic, the road is slick, it's impossible to see...and what do you know, my car hydroplates and I rear end the lady in front of me.
fucking perfect.
The day didn't get much better. I fell asleep, woke up and realized i was late for work, got there, saw that my boss was hungover (and puking) in the back room at the freaking tom thumb....she left, giving me most of the bitch work left to do today.
I repeat: I cannot wait until this weekend. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2005|01:32 am] |
I'm so stressed out, it isn't even funny.
Leah, this pregnant chick at work, has gone home sick twice now and they've rounded ME up to cover her shift (at the lame-ass check out counter) both times until well after 11 pm.
Sucks.
So much that I sleep in and don't remember the phone conversations I've had early that morning.
(for that, I'm sorry Mark. <3)
Laura and Mandi and me are going to San Antonio this weekend to spend a day on the river, to go to shlitterbaun, and to just....be ourselves and be us girls and have a good time. I need this so badly. No boys, no drama, just my girls. It'll be nice.
So the other day I went to anas and had a blast and then went to steak n shake and realized my shirt was insanely see-through...only to have it pointed out by tony and ray. who gawked. god. <3 and then i spilled water on my white see-through tshirt and it made matters much worse.
Gotta love my life. |
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| "And no one can find the rewind button now, so sing it if you understand...just breathe." |
[Jul. 24th, 2005|10:54 am] |
| [ | Current Mood: |
| |  Grateful | ] |
| [ | Current Tune-age: |
| | Breathe - Anna Nalick | ] |
This weekend was nothing short of interesting.
I spent it with my father...and it really wasn't as awful as I expected it to be.
My older sister put her arms around me for the first time in our entire lives.
My younger sister opened up to me, told me what is -gosh- going on in her life. And we stayed up half the night crying and holding each other and telling each other that we loved each other and thinking about all the shit we've come through all of these years.
And remembering all of that - all of the tiny aspects of my god awful childhood - was hard. Very hard. The sad part being that my poor baby sister got the brunt of the heartache.
It makes me so thankful for how I am now, how strong I've become, how independent, how little bullshit I take. How my problems now, as monumental as they seem, are nothing compared to how it could be, how it was, for it still is to some. Though I suppose the best news is that my sister and I are on much better terms now. So less screaming and bitching. We hope.
If you don't know the story of my childhood than you don't know me very well. It's a huge part of my life and huge part of exactly why I am the way that I am. (Nanner, oy. heartheartheart.)
It's still sad, but I'm also optimistic. My children are going to have more love than they could ever want, and things will get better. I know it in my heart.
Nat
...what is interesting, still. I found out this weekend (by word of my stepbrother, Jarrod) that my stepmother is an ex prostitute. If you knew the woman you'd be so much more...shaken and disgusted. Stupid bitch. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2005|01:12 am] |
And I think a trip down Memory Lane is in order...
[Mar. 21st, 2004|08:16 pm]
But I have been thinking about guys in general and the right kind of guy for me. I don't NEED a guy who is drop dead gorgeous or cocky about himself and muscular and all that. I don't. They are asses for the most part anyway. Even if they "say" they're ugly. They're still asses. Ass. No...what I need is someone who I, MYSELF, find attractive. Someone who isn't considered cute to most but who I see the good in, who I can relate to, who I find cute because his personality or niceness or whatever it is that makes him who he is shines through and makes him adorable or "hot" in my eyes. Like James Hillhouse was to me back then. That's what I need. Someone semi-prude would be good, too...because then my now-forming habit of taking things too far too fast won't happen and things won't become ruined. I need someone who can understand my need for conversation, who will acknowledge my existence, accept the fact that I'm (insert LOUD, OBNOXIOUS, ANNOYING, GOOFY, WEIRD, whatever here.) Someone who I can be with for a long time and grow to love and understand.
And on the eight day, God created Raymond Charles Hollocker.
It's funny how things work out.
...and while browsing:
There is all kinds of new cuteness brewing...Allen...likes Karen...and it is the most adorable thing to watch those two! I'll keep ya posted. Bout time they both found someone who a)doesn't want to rape them and b)isn't trey hollis...Hope it works out. I just gotta say that Allen saying "eee!" is about the cutest thing ever!
I'm disgusted. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|11:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood: |
| |  EMO! | ] |
mmm, gym membership.
bleck, computer hating my guts.
and who came up with the idea of having 30 hours of work a week and no time to spend with your friends. (it's always fun when they get pissed at me because I can't hang out.)
I need a vacation.
Hence the Laura Hoffmann coming in and saving my life.
Thus, San Antonio next week.
pms needs to die.
but aaron helping me get free ringtones is amazing! don't phunk with my heart when Ana calls. and LOTR theme for coy? oh yes. and harry potter and coldplay. mmm.
...and Aly, i got arabian nights. only good things can come.
night |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2005|02:54 am] |
I have just finished Harry Potter and I'm depresed.
Not because the book is over.
But because That happened. I feel sick. And Oddly enough, I didn't cry!
People who make fun of people who read harry potter and have never actually read the book themselves are complete and utter morons. Read one. They are utterly fabulous.
It's sad that I'll have to wait what, two years? for what I think should be called "Harry Potter and the Seventh Soul."
I mean, can you think of a more perfect title? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2005|02:05 am] |
page 596 contains the worst thing in the entire world.
I want to cry.
and all i can say to those who finish (wheneeever yall do) is that I personally think that RAB is for Reverus _ Black. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2005|12:50 am] |
For those of you reading Harry Potter, Page 500 and the few following it are REALLY awesome and interesting.
I'm almost finished with this dang book and it's so depressing. I love it so. I do not want the magic to end.
Though these have been the oddest 2 days of the summer...
So I'm at work, and the power decides to go out. The entire tom thumb....yeah. And being told to continue working? Flower arranging in the pitch black darkness was RATHER amusing.
And then it was to Borders until 2 A.M. awaiting Harry potter.
In which I realized I'm not hated. Which is good. And I don't hate. and it's good.
And then I saw Matt Stacey, whose goatee and body are now gone, though one's down a drain and the other in Maryland. (By the way, it was really good to see you.)
And then I got my gym membership (finally) and spent some time gallavanting around with Nanner, Britt, Vik, Aly, and the frisbeeers (that really doesn't work when you spell it.) That was fun. Especially the part with Jimmy, Jenatalia, Arabia(n) (Nights), Anastasia, Ciara, and of course the Dike-ish Oprah. plus target, anna getting makeshift poop on her butt and recieving a free sandwich, the rejection hotline, and the vast nearly wetting of the pants that was Ana, Aly, and Nat's puddle-filled journey to the Natatorium.
and flower making is always delightful.
Twas a good two days. And finishing the epic tale of dearest Harry Potter will be icing on the cake. |
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pinkrobelover's journal
